The freedom in relationships and the fear of being left for a better partner

The biggest fear of those who are interested in the idea of freedom in relationships is that they accept the danger that their lover, once being granted their freedom, will meet someone more precious – and that means, in their imagination, that they will be abandoned and forgotten.


This kind of questions indicates an absolute error in the approach and a major lack of experience because:


1. First and foremost, I think that everybody having this fear should ask themselves if they are satisfied with a partner who stays only because he/she are limited in their ability to find something better for them.

The fact that my girlfriend stays with me only because she lacks other options doesn’t make me happy at all to be with her.  On the contrary, I want her close to me because I assume that we are bound by something so obvious and fundamental that, her experiences with another guy will not decisively affect what we have together.

And if I lose her in this context, it means that there was nothing left between us but illusions.


2.  I find it impossible to bear with myself when I don’t want my girlfriend to be lucky to experience nice moments with other guys.

On the contrary, precisely because I care for her, I find it only natural to wish only the best moment possible for her in her relationships with men. She has only one life and I cannot understand how the fact that she’s giving me so much of her life would imply, by reason of who knows what morals, that she must give me everything.

We are NOBODY’s property and we don’t owe anything to anybody.


3. A minimal experience in open relationships will advise you that everything that happens in any of the other relationships only creates a background for the value of what you have with any of your lovers.

Threatened are only the relationships wherein only your own interest matters and wherein your “lover” is a supplier of validation, sex and social comfort.

4. No matter what you believe about your own relationship and your ability to bind the partner’s freedom, everybody is free, regardless of them knowing or wanting it.

Nobody can engage their soul and their sensibility in the selfish games of their egos.  Attractions and interests cannot be avoided, ignored or denied. Actually, the more you try to minimalize or deny them, the more their intensity.


The interest or the feelings for others appear and they will manifest, no matter how much you invest in stalking and controlling the lover you believe to be “yours”.


5. There is in us a natural instinct for openness and honesty towards our lovers that urges us to be transparent in our relationships, to talk openly about our attractions. Sure enough, a world of individuals overwhelmed by lack of self-confidence and self-esteem daunts and inhibits this instinct of honesty. On the back of that is that this transparency brings infinite closeness and recharges you with a great sense of gratitude.


In conclusion, even though setting our partners free of all commitments and obligations would mean losing them definitively and favorable to more potent and more interesting partners, it is undignified to compel your partner in any way; after all, he/she are the closest person in your life. But reality is that granted and accepted freedom brings a deep closeness in any relationship.


Only when there’s a background of freedom a real relationship starts and you can talk about love.


You love when you grant freedom and wish the best for the other.


Nobody can replace anybody and all that is real in us will call us back, in case we are not aware of what we have together.  Don’t forget that we have all been experiencing for a long time the option of relating in couples under the pressure of a strict and incessant control of our partners and I find these relationships not at all more infallible, more lasting or happier.  Per contra, not even one of the ones you see is desirable or enviable.


Our partners are mostly a combination of guardians and experienced detectives – proof that no one believes in contractual relationships wherein we trade our freedom.

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